Lady Gaga Opens About The Assault She Faced At 19: ‘I Had A Psychotic Break’

“I was not the same girl.”

Oprah Winfrey and Prince Harry’s mental health docuseries The Me You Can’t See is now streaming on Apple TV+, and the premiere episode has brought in big revelation by Lady Gaga. In an emotional interview, the singer reflects on the lingering effects of being s**ually assaulted as a teenager, becoming pregnant, and struggling to cope with ongoing abuse, inflicted by an unnamed producer.

The Grammy and Oscar-winning singer appears in the first episode of the five-part series and recalls being 19 when a producer threatened to burn her music if she didn’t take her clothes off. 

“I was working in the business, and a producer said to me, ‘Take your clothes off,'” Lady Gaga recalled about the assault she faced. “And I said no. And I left, and they told me they were going to burn all of my music. And they didn’t stop. They didn’t stop asking me, and I just froze and I—I don’t even remember.” 

Gaga, now 35, says she did not feel comfortable naming her assailant. “I do not ever want to face that person again,” she says.

Years later, after the assault, when Lady Gaga began experiencing chronic pain, the doctor advised her to see a psychiatrist. That’s when she discovered she was suffering from PSTD, a diagnosis which the singer first went public with in 2016.

“First I felt full-on pain, then I went numb,” Gaga recalls. “I realized it was the same pain I felt when the person who raped me dropped me off pregnant on the corner, at my parents’ house, because I was vomiting and sick. Because I was being abused. I was locked away in a studio for months.”

As the result, the singer said, “I had a total psychotic break, and for a couple years, I was not the same girl.” 

Lady Gaga then went on to share that she has more recently dealt with impulses toward self-harm. However, she concluded on a hopeful note, explaining that after several years, she has “learned all the ways to pull myself out of it. It all started to slowly change.”

On an ending note, the singer said that she doesn’t “tell this story for my own self-service, because, to be honest, it’s hard to tell.” 

“I feel a lot of shame about it. How do I explain to people that I have privilege, I’ve got money, I’ve got power, and I’m miserable? How do you do that? I’m not here to tell my story to you because I want anybody to cry for me. I’m good. But open your heart up for somebody else. Because I’m telling you, I’ve been through it and people need help. So, that’s part of my healing, being able to talk to you,” she added.

The Me You Can’t See premieres Friday, May 21 on Apple TV+.

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