Fan Of Horror Films? Care To Explain The Dumb And Idiotic Decisions That Is Always Their Storyline?

‘Hey, I know the quickest route for the most gruesome death- Let’s split up!’

Poor decision-making skills- that single phrase pretty much sums up all the horror movies I have seen till date. Keeping the cliche storyline aside, the crux of these movies is just a bunch of extremely stupid people who manage to make the dumbest choices possible, like practically handing themselves over to the wailing monster.

Makes one wonder, whether the screenwriters are aiming for a scare-them-silly storyline or contributing to the custom-made genre of- “mind-numbingly stupid.” Are you shaking your head in disbelief and questioning my mental capacity? Well, how about we dissect your favourite horror flick and find some of the most ‘iconic’ dumb things that keep happening in them?

1.      ‘We witnessed that man kill 6 people. Call the police? Nah, let’s go back and play Sherlock Holmes there!’

Like, really? You barely escaped the clutches of a murdering maniac and you wanna go back. Why?! Just like the characters, Trish and Darry, in the 2001’s horror film, Jeepers Creepers, who narrowly avoided being crushed under the car of a murderer whom they had witnessed shelving bodies near a church. 

What do you think would have been the smart decision? Run away, probably get help from the cops. But no, our ‘superheroes’ go back to the church to satisfy their deathly curiosity and like every bad decision in the history of the horror genre works, it doesn’t end well for the siblings. Smacking logic, right in the face!

2.      “I keep seeing horrifying things in this house, but by any means, let’s just keep living here.”

Half the films which are centred around haunted houses have this weird thing- no logic. The family living in the house encounters life-threatening situations, their kids are possessed, their loved ones start behaving strangely, things fly around on their own, monsters break out of closets, but instead of getting the hell outta dodge they…stay. 

Pick any film, Conjuring, Conjuring 2, The Amityville Horror, the list is endless and so is the continued stubborn-idiocy to not leave a house that is practically preparing to kill you and your family.

Had it been a real-life scenario and I was the one in such a house, you would see me running in the opposite direction, flailing my hands in the air as I scream my lungs out. That, my friends, is the sane reaction.

3.      ‘Hey, I know the quickest route for the most gruesome death- Let’s split up!’

It must be really hard to understand that staying together makes you harder to hunt down. But, how can we even put logic and horror film in a single line! It seems like the best idea, like in 2012, horror film Cabin In The Woods, where the dumb idea of splitting up to cover more ground and escape the monsters on the so did NOT work. Can you guess who got who first, seeing that they had no one to watch their back?

4.      “Ooh, that looks scary, let me go and touch that!”

The most frustrating thing we see in these films is when the characters decide to be friends with the first weird looking, scary, heart-attack-inducing thing they see. Remember Prometheus (2012) and its ‘intelligent’ biologist who decides it would be an excellent idea to stick his face down an alive, scary, twitching thing, that looks like this?

5.     “Oh, the big baddy is running after me, I’ll run in a straight line so he does not lose sight of me.”

Again, let’s go back to Prometheus (2012) and look at this particular scene. 

The lady in question had plenty of space to deviate from her straight path. But it looks like running sideways would save her from a very painful death, now, she can’t deprive the audience of all the dumbness, now can she?

6. ‘I should try out my non-existent invincibility by going to the haunted place all alone.’

Remember the scary flick, Mama? The professor decides to wander into the lair of a very pissed off spirit to prove… wait, prove what? How he ranks pretty high on the dumb scale? Oh, that we can judge based on his stupidity to go up against a super-powerful entity all by himself. 

7. “I will somehow find a root or a rock to tumble over as I run away from the demon, hell I’ll trip over air if I have to!”

They are running, at full, with the audience spurring them on with their silent prayers, hoping for at least one character to survive the gory-death spree in the film. They have a clear path, no hurdles nothing, and then… BAM! They trip over their own two clumsy feet. How can someone be so bad at running? 

The Strangers Prey At Night. Image source

‘For the sake of my sanity, please stop the madness!’- does that thought make frequent appearances when you are watching such films? Join the club, mates!

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