6 Mistakes Women Must Never Make When Dating After Divorce

Leave the baggage that isn’t required and step in the new phase with all the grace and learnings

Divorce is an end of what once felt like a lovely beginning. But if you embrace this stage, it can be a doorway to new beginnings, better ones maybe. One of the biggest mistakes I made after mine was to not take some time off. Yes, you need that. Don’t just rush into the new door that has opened. Wait in the lobby, think about the door that closed, analyze and gather your experiences. Leave the baggage that isn’t required and step in the new phase with all the grace and learnings. 

Dating isn’t a bad idea to start with. After all, we need distractions and we need some attention and appreciation. While you are at it, make sure you don’t make the following dating mistakes:

  1. Don’t get love-bombed: You may think you are wiser now but don’t forget, you are vulnerable too. It’s very easy for men to manipulate you with affection and commitment. They will love-bomb you by showing a personality that matches yours and you might feel that you have found your soulmate. Brakes! Don’t fall for the love-bombing trap. Don’t date a man who shows your dreamy future from day one. 
  2. Don’t invest emotionally: You can only see relationships in the real light once the initial euphoria or honeymoon phase is over. This may last from 2 weeks to 2 months or a bit more too. Don’t get emotional about this person during this phase. Let the euphoria subside or die down and then see if this is the man you want to be with. Also, does the man want to be with you? You’ll have a clearer picture of your bond when you hear the silence of the radio.
  3. Don’t think marriage: If your marriage and the separation was not ugly, it’s obvious that you don’t hate the idea of marriage. However, when you begin dating, don’t start rating him on the husband-material scale. Don’t think about the future and jump the guns too early. Take your time, date – not one but a few people so that you have a fair idea of what to expect from your next serious relationship. 
  4. Never make plans: I repeat, live in the present. No matter how well you click with the new man you just met, don’t be a fool and start making bucket lists. You both might have the same kind of interests but don’t make long term plans. Want to travel with him? Book the very next weekend and do it. Don’t make annual plans with him and please don’t ever convert your solo trips into a couple-getaway, just because he asked you to. By the year-end, he might have left and you’ll never be able to take that trip alone. Why? Because you made lovey-dovey plans with him.
  5. Don’t ignore work: The honeymoon phase makes us do crazy things. Taking a day off to meet him or spend time with him, extended weekends – we all love the feeling of being carefree and unwinding. Add to the long text-a-thons and late-night phone calls. Before you realise, you may have lost your precious time and your to-do lists of chores and other work hasn’t got any shorter. You may have put everyone else before yourself in the previous marriage, but isn’t this new stage all about prioritizing? Learn and practice. You come first – pun intended. 
  6. Don’t ignore friends: They are your support system and they might be thrilled to know that you finally have a date. But do not call off your plans with your squad each time the man wants to see you. He needs to understand that you have a personal social life. Also, if you get too habituated with spending all your time with him, it’s going to be difficult to survive alone once he’s gone. And if you’ve made the mistake of ignoring friends, you may not be able to share the same bond again. 

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